Humans need validation.
As tribal creatures, we deeply crave connection and love from our peers.
We all want to feel accepted and loved for who we are in any given moment.
We need those around us to help us feel that we are valuable, that our thoughts and ideas are worthwhile.
The problem is – we can’t always rely on that validation from others..
This is because everyone we meet is dealing with their own set of limitations.
What do I mean by that?
Each human being you meet has a story. We each have our own unique set of fears, conditioning and limiting beliefs that have been generated over our entire lives.
These fears and limiting beliefs can restrict our ability to communicate and show love. They can make us feel unsafe and even unworthy.
So, if this is the case, that as humans, sometimes we can struggle to communicate and show love because of our fears and limitations, and it is also true that most humans need validation at some point, we can see that perhaps we have a bit of a complication here?
The nerve ending paradox of the human condition.
We all need validation. We all struggle sometimes with giving validation.
So what can we do about this complex dichotomy?
Well as we know, we can never affect another person’s attitudes or behaviours.
We can only ever work to change ourselves.
Self-validation means accepting your emotions, your inner world and your thoughts. It means becoming your own cheerleader and giving yourself that feeling of worthiness, rather than seeking it externally.
When you can do this, you place yourself in an empowered position.
This a powerful self-development practice which once mastered will mean..
You no longer rely on others to make you feel worthy.
When you learn to recognise your positive traits and accomplishments you can learn to understand yourself more and manage your emotions better.
You create a sense of peace within, and you become less “needy” because you are giving yourself what you need..
2 Steps To Self-Validation
Here are 2 simple steps towards self-validation and self-acceptance..
1. Remind yourself how far you’ve come
Take out a notepad and write down a list of every accomplishment you have ever had.
This may prove to be difficult, generally, we are much better at finding what mistakes we have made!
Once you are done, add in at least one accomplishment every day. Something as simple as brushing your teeth will do!
It sounds so simple, its often overlooked, but try it! This practice will help you rewire your brain to notice all of the amazing things you do every day!
2. Practice mindful consciousness
Notice when you are internally wishing someone would validate you.
Consciously feel whatever emotions are coming to you at that moment.
Accept the feelings as they are, validate that they are allowed to exist.
Now, give that validation you seek to yourself.
It could be a simple sentence like “Your resilience to not give up so far has been incredible” or “I think you did some of your best work on that last project” or simply “You look beautiful today.”
Self-validation is not an easy thing to achieve. But with practice, it is one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself.