Are there differences between how introverts and extroverts think? Science says yes.

So what are the differences? It’s not necessarily what you may think. Contrary to popular assumptions, introverts are not necessarily shy – though studies have shown they tend to be deep thinkers. Many introverts enjoy the social aspects of life, yet simply tend to feel overwhelmed in large groups or when being sociable for extended periods of time. In fact, the brain activity of introverts and extroverts are slightly different in surprising ways.

As an introvert myself, I found the insights learned from associated studies of the brain to be both fascinating and illuminating.

THE SCIENCE BEHIND WHY INTROVERTS AND EXTROVERTS THINK DIFFERENTLY

A psychologist named Hans Eysenck conducted research in the 1960s and theorized that introverts have a higher level of what he called “arousal” and were more easily stimulated. His theory also pointed out that, generally speaking, introverts’ ability to process information per second is higher than extroverts.

Extroverts tend to require a higher level of external stimulation to feel awake and alive. So they have a greater sense of risk-taking, seeking out challenges and social situations to provide that stimulation.

On the other hand, introverts seek out solitary time in order to avoid over-stimulation from external sources. They prefer to spend time thinking about, pondering, and analyzing experiences.

Researchers conducted a study in 2005 which linked the difference in personalities and brain activity to dopamine neurotransmitters, where introverts and extroverts responded differently to this “pleasure and reward system” in the brain.

In 2012, another study discovered that introverts most often have larger and thicker gray matter in their prefrontal cortex, an area of the brain linked to abstract thought processes and decision-making. Researchers learned that extroverts had less gray matter.

None of these studies indicate that introverts are smarter than extroverts. The difference is not linked to levels of intellect. Introverts merely respond differently to various situations and circumstances. They become more easily overwhelmed, and tend to spend more time thinking deeply about situations rather than getting out in the world and “doing.”

Introverts simply do not actively seek out the same level of external stimulation, preferring to be lost in their own thoughts.

Here’s an inspirational video to help calm your mind when your thoughts are leading to a feeling of being overwhelmed:

“We are formed and molded by our thoughts. Those whose minds are shaped by selfless thoughts give joy when they speak or act. Joy follows them like a shadow that never leaves them.” —  Buddha

TIPS FOR GETTING THE MOST OUT OF DEEP-THINKING HABITS

While the deep-thinking habits of introverts can sound like a good thing, there are pros and cons associated with that. Here are some points for introverts to consider in order to find the greatest balance between the “thinking” and “doing” aspects of life:

Mind Your Thoughts

While spending so much time in your head, as an introvert, you may tend to think things “to death.” This can take a couple of paths: (1) If thoughts lean along negative lines, you want to be mindful of what thoughts you’re allowing to dominate your mind. Re-frame negative thoughts in positive ways. (2) You may think yourself in circles when you need to make a decision.  If that’s the case, your thoughts may be getting in the way of moving forward in a productive way. Take a step back from analyzing every possible outcome and do a heart and gut check. In these cases, it can be best to let your intuition lead the way so that you actually move forward in a way that feels best (setting your conflicting thoughts aside).

Partner “Thinking” with “Doing”

Rather than spending time lost in thoughts while being sedentary, go for a walk or get in the habit of doing your best thinking while being active. Physical activity has a calming effect on the mind. It will help to manage any stress that comes along with circling thought patterns.

Meditation

Meditation can be beneficial and calming so that you’re not lost in your thoughts so often. This is especially true when your thoughts are sending you in circles or adding stress to your life. Meditation will serve the need for solitary and relaxation time, while also centering you in a beneficial way.

Overall, tending to think deeply is an amazingly wonderful attribute. The tips above can help ensure all of that introverted deep-thinking is truly beneficial, rather than leading to any stress associated with “over-thinking.”

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If you’re like most humans on Earth, you have times when you feel “not good enough.” Maybe it’s an occasional thing, or maybe it’s how you feel most times. In either case, when you’re feeling like you’re not good enough or wishing you were different – a better version of yourself – remember this: You are not alone in feeling that way. And you are not only good enough, but better than you realize. 

I’ll share a personal story that still affects me – one where I’m still learning from this single message. When I was much younger, still in high school and trying to figure out who I was in relation to others, I discovered something that turned things upside down for me. As an adult, it sticks with me as a reminder about how things can appear in the bigger picture.

I had always felt awkward, and I didn’t feel that I truly fit in with others. Rather than being open or connecting with others, I kept interactions at a surface level.

I was too fearful to let anyone know the real me.

So I threw myself into everything I could as a way to focus on anything but me. I joined the yearbook committee, community service committee, drama club, joined the track team, entered talent shows and sang my heart out, painted, and was near the top of my class academically. I dedicated myself until I excelled at everything I could attach myself to. You would think I felt amazing.

I thought that by excelling in outward activities, I could feel worthy and “good enough” for others’ attention.

The funny thing? I later learned that OTHERS viewed me as “standoffish” and they thought I was too good for them! Rather than endearing myself to others in trying to feel or be good enough at all (and still feeling inadequate), others were turned off or intimidated or unsure about connecting with me at all.

“We are each gifted in a unique and important way. It is our privilege and our adventure to discover our own special light.” – Mary Dunbar

Appearances matter – but not in the way you might think. I was “appearing” to be great and amazing and “good enough” by all the wrong standards. I projected an image of having it all together and being “successful” to my peers, when inside I felt entirely differently.

It’s great to strive to be the best version of YOU possible. But what I learned is that being authentically ME is what endears me to others (and myself). Loving myself – awkwardness, insecurities, triumphs, talents, challenges, and everything in between. Because we are not alone in feeling “not good enough.”

We connect more deeply with others when we trust that it’s okay to be honest about who we are. When we are fearless in our approach and embracing our own authenticity – good, bad, or mediocre – wherever we happen to be on a given day in that moment – and the next – every day.  You ARE good enough. And we are all works in progress.

Here’s a thought-provoking TedX Talk video about removing negative self-talk and increasing mindfulness:

STRATEGIES AND REMINDERS FOR CULTIVATING FEELING & BEING “GOOD ENOUGH”

Below are some strategies and reminders to help move you from thinking you are not good enough to realizing how amazing you truly are.

1. Nurture Your Inner Child

We first develop our identities as children. But if you were not loved and nurtured in a way that supported a healthy self-loving attitude and understanding, your inner child needs to be healed. Take some time to consider what your inner child needs as if he or she were a real child – sitting in front of you and needing love and encouragement. What would you say to that child? Give your inner child all of the love and care you would give to any child who needed it. By doing this, you are building the inner foundation you need to grow and shine most brightly.

2. When You Feel Not Good Enough, Remember: We Are All Works in Progress

When you see others you deem as “successful,” remember that appearances are not always what they seem. We generally see in others only what they project, so until you really connect with someone at deeper levels, surface assumptions are most often limited and incorrect. Refrain from comparing yourself to others and bring your attention back to yourself. Focusing on your own progress and choices will be more far effective and authentic.

3. Accept and Embrace Who You Are Today – In This Moment

In order to be the best version of ourselves, we first need to be honest about who we are today – right now. So strip it down to the core without illusions. Spend time thinking about who you are, what you value, and every little thing that makes you unique and special. Perfection is overrated. If we were all “perfect,” the world would be a very boring place. It’s our very imperfections that add character and delight others. So accept yours and own them without excuses!

4. Rethink How You Define Yourself

As you think about how you define yourself, consider these thoughts as replacements for any outwardly-focused definitions or negative ones:

Spirit. Energy. Love. Limitless. Pure potential. Shining light. Fearless. Authentically ME.

When you use these strategies and reminders, you can more easily embrace your own authenticity and begin (or continue) your journey of self-discovery and self-love.

You ARE better than good enough – you are spirit – you are love – you are limitless!

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When people hear the word “mantra,” unless already familiar with its true meaning may equate it as being the same as an affirmation. There is a difference.. So what is a mantra precisely?

Discovering Mantras: What Is a Mantra?

In the simplest terms, it’s based on two root Sanskrit words: manas (mind) and tra (tool).  So the word “mantra” literally means “mind tool” or “a tool for the mind.”  You can use mantras – either spoken aloud, internally, or chanted repetitiously – to help focus your mind. This will enhance a deeper state of awareness, most traditionally during meditation and spiritual practices.

The reason “mantra” and “affirmation” tend to get confused is because you can use an affirmation AS your mantra during meditation. Or, you can simply use a single word or sound.

Using mantras as a daily meditation practice, over time, can help your mind access deeper areas of your subconscious. When seeking to make changes in our lives, we most often experience blocks due to our subconscious thoughts and beliefs.

Thomas Ashley-Farrand, author of Mantra Meditation, writes, “Mantra meditation is not only something one practices, but a radical re-envisioning of ourselves, our lives and our ability to create the future we desire.”

Essentially, you can use mantras to start appreciating the joy of simplicity and experiencing more overall happiness.

How to Use a Mantra

Using mantras can assist in entering a deep state of meditation or to energize an intention. Repetition is key. When you find your mind wandering, bring it back to your chosen word or phrase and appreciate the simplicity of repetition.

There are various schools of thought about how many times you need to repeat your mantra before you notice changes in your life. Most traditionally, you would repeat your mantra 108 times daily for it to be most effective. This is because, “in Vedic culture, the Mathematicians saw the number 108 as the wholeness of existence.” In doing so, you are aligning yourself with the will of the universe and its creative life force.

Others believe that reciting multiple times for 40 days in a row invokes change. This idea is based around examples of Buddha and Jesus Christ. Based on this belief, it took 40 days of daily meditation for life changes to occur.  (In using this 40-day meditation ritual, if a day is missed, you must begin again at day 1. Otherwise, it would not be as effective, according to those who practice it.)

But reciting your mantra can really be used at any time throughout your day to reap benefits. The more you repeat it, the better aligned with it you will become. In this way, you can always use this as a tool for stilling your mind.

Mantras for Meditation

During meditation, you would repeat your mantra silently or out loud for the time you are meditating.  Meditating daily in this way is most helpful. The goal of this practice is to rise above the everyday activity of your mind.

The type of mantra that works best in this capacity is one where you are not focused on any specific idea or outcome. So affirmation mantras, while helpful in other ways, wouldn’t tend to work as well in this setting as a tool for focusing the mind during meditation.

Because this type of mantra has no meaning to your conscious mind, you are able to simply focus on the word or phrase. The thought or sound vibrations assist you in accessing a heightened state of awareness.

Mantras to Energize an Intention

Alternatively, you could choose an affirmation as a mantra to repeat (silently or out loud) for specific periods of time throughout your day. Using a mantra in this way will help to energize your intention with heightened awareness.

During the course of the day, when you feel stressed or out of balance, you would repeat your chosen word or phrase to calm your mind and bring you back into focus.

How to Choose a Mantra

Choosing a mantra will depend on how you intend to use it – whether for meditation or to energize an intention. There is no single way to choose one. But you DO want to choose one that has positive connotations rather than one that you associate with any negativity.

For meditation purposes, to assist in attaining a deeper meditative state, choose a single word or phrase.  Traditionally, Sanskrit words are used for this purpose.  For example, using the word “Om” is said to be the sound of the universe or the primordial sacred sound. Another example is “Om Mani Padme Hum,” which is said to “unlock the loving and unconditional qualities of compassion.”

To use a mantra for energizing an intention, focus on what you want to achieve. Then choose a word or phrase that aligns with your intention. Keep in mind that it should always represent your greatest good without attachment to a specific outcome. Some examples of affirmation mantras are: “Love surrounds me;” “I attract abundance in my life;” or “I am at peace with myself and the universe.”

However you choose to harness the benefits, there is no down side. Try various words of phrases (and methods) until you feel energized by it.  When you feel attuned to using a particular mantra, you will begin to enjoy the benefits of this empowering daily practice.

The post Discovering Mantras: What Is a Mantra? How They Work & The Remarkable Results You Can Achieve By Using Them appeared first on Fearless Soul - Inspirational Music & Life Changing Thoughts.

Emotional resilience is the measure of how we respond to and deal with things that happen to us in our day to day life. It’s our capacity to cope with challenges and hurdles that present themselves on this wonderful journey.

For example, a similar situation can occur at the same time to two sperate people, but ultimately it is their resilience that will dictate how they respond to it.

When faced with a tragedy or a challenge in your life, how do you handle it?

Do you get emotional, blame others, or even yourself? Or are you slightly more measured in your responses, and look at things pragmatically?

Put simply, emotionally resilient people are able to handle life’s challenges better.

The great part about coming to understand this is learning that you can grow your personal resilience muscles.

Yep, with time, patience and practice, you can actually build your emotional resilience and gain control over your responses to life’s challenges. But how?

4 Simple Steps That Will Help You To Build Emotional Resilience

1. Practice acceptance | Emotional Resilience

We fall into trouble when we try to control and affect the things in life that are not able to be controlled.

Instead of trying to control, we need to practice learning to accept certain things as part of life.

Understanding this and using self-awareness to identify what can and cannot be directly affected by you will greatly help you in measuring how to respond to a situation when it arises.

2. Predict change | Emotional Resilience

Not only do we need to learn to accept certain things are out of our control, but we also need to learn to anticipate change as a part of life.

Nothing in life is constant. We are constantly growing, changing, evolving and so is the world around us.

Just as nature has seasons, so do we. Learn to flow with life not against it. This will build up emotional resilience in you to be used when truly necessary.

3. Have hope | Emotional Resilience

Optimism is key to building your emotional resilience.

If we have a negative outlook on life, and kind of feel like it’s all for nothing then we probably aren’t going to have much positivity to hold onto when something goes differently to the way we want.

On the contrary, if we have an optimistic outlook we are more likely to accept challenges with “a grain of salt” and trust that life is always working in our favour.

4. Forgive yourself | Emotional Resilience

It’s not always easy to respond “well” when faced with difficulty in life. But in the end, if you are making efforts towards becoming more self-aware. Learning to grow and expanding your consciousness, you are doing GREAT.

Forgive yourself for any times you may not been as resilient as you would have liked, and remember – You are evolving. The more we learn from mistakes the stronger we become going forward.

Emotional resilience is a strength that will help you in many ways. Even if you haven’t got it right now, trust in your ability to improve as time goes on.

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We have all heard of the “power” of positive thinking.

As much as it seems like an excellent thing to practice, unfortunately, it’s not all.. well, positive.

Its likely at some point someone has told you to “cheer up” or “smile more.”

Not only are comments like this incredibly condescending, it actually activates shame and can cause the recipient to feel guilt around their emotions.

When I was experiencing depression, I had a doctor tell me to “just think positive.” I remember looking at him and thinking to myself “how the hell do I do that?”

I felt like a failure.

It seemed so simple to him – why wasn’t I able to do it?

From that moment I decided I needed to figure it out.

I became a happiness junkie, devouring every self-help book I could find, I learned how to practice positive affirmations and I learned the mental mechanics behind positive psychology.

I figured, if other people could be happy I could be too. And the only thing in the way, was myself.

I was determined to fix myself.

I became hell-bent on being anything other than what I was.

But, this kind of self-rejection is incredibly unhealthy.

Denying the emotions that exist within us only fuels negativity.

Sure it may repress it for a while. But somewhere, somehow the root cause of those emotions will emerge.

Positive thinking your way away from “negative” or painful emotions does not heal them.

Embracing them does.

When we are having a hard time in life, or there is persistent negative thought, that is generally a message that something in our lives or within our psyche is not right.

These feelings are guidance from your soul to take a look at your life and make a change.

Unfortunately, our culture has become slightly obsessed with positive thinking, which means that we are rejecting our shadows, the parts of our self that need just as much love and attention as the other parts of ourselves.

It is in the shadows holding us back, that we find gems of self-realisation to propel us into growth.

So if you are experiencing negative thoughts or painful emotions, don’t try to shove them down or push them aside.

Learn to embrace them as a part of your uniqueness.

And by all means, strengthen your positivity muscles too.

Use affirmations, learn how to be happy.

But don’t do it from a place of needing to fix yourself.

You do not need fixing. You are enough.

I AM ME, I walk my own path..

The post The Down Side Of Positive Thinking: Is It Really All That Beneficial? appeared first on Fearless Soul - Inspirational Music & Life Changing Thoughts.

Humans need validation.

As tribal creatures, we deeply crave connection and love from our peers.

We all want to feel accepted and loved for who we are in any given moment.

We need those around us to help us feel that we are valuable, that our thoughts and ideas are worthwhile.

The problem is – we can’t always rely on that validation from others..

This is because everyone we meet is dealing with their own set of limitations.

What do I mean by that?

Each human being you meet has a story. We each have our own unique set of fears, conditioning and limiting beliefs that have been generated over our entire lives.

These fears and limiting beliefs can restrict our ability to communicate and show love. They can make us feel unsafe and even unworthy.

So, if this is the case, that as humans, sometimes we can struggle to communicate and show love because of our fears and limitations, and it is also true that most humans need validation at some point, we can see that perhaps we have a bit of a complication here?

The nerve ending paradox of the human condition.

We all need validation. We all struggle sometimes with giving validation.

Great.

So what can we do about this complex dichotomy?

Well as we know, we can never affect another person’s attitudes or behaviours.

We can only ever work to change ourselves.

Self-validation means accepting your emotions, your inner world and your thoughts. It means becoming your own cheerleader and giving yourself that feeling of worthiness, rather than seeking it externally.

When you can do this, you place yourself in an empowered position.

This a powerful self-development practice which once mastered will mean..

You no longer rely on others to make you feel worthy.

When you learn to recognise your positive traits and accomplishments you can learn to understand yourself more and manage your emotions better.

You create a sense of peace within, and you become less “needy” because you are giving yourself what you need..

2 Steps To Self-Validation

Here are 2 simple steps towards self-validation and self-acceptance..

1. Remind yourself how far you’ve come

Take out a notepad and write down a list of every accomplishment you have ever had.

This may prove to be difficult, generally, we are much better at finding what mistakes we have made!

Once you are done, add in at least one accomplishment every day. Something as simple as brushing your teeth will do!

It sounds so simple, its often overlooked, but try it! This practice will help you rewire your brain to notice all of the amazing things you do every day!

2. Practice mindful consciousness

Notice when you are internally wishing someone would validate you.

Consciously feel whatever emotions are coming to you at that moment.

Accept the feelings as they are, validate that they are allowed to exist.

Now, give that validation you seek to yourself.

It could be a simple sentence like “Your resilience to not give up so far has been incredible” or “I think you did some of your best work on that last project” or simply “You look beautiful today.”

Self-validation is not an easy thing to achieve. But with practice, it is one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself.

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We all know a complainer.

You know, the one who always manages to find a negative in every positive. The one who seems to totally miss the upside and go straight for what could have been better or what was missing in any situation.

Being around people who complain all the time is exhausting. It really drains your energy to constantly talk about what’s WRONG in life instead of focusing on what’s good or what’s going well.

The funny thing is, chances are at one point or another you have been that complaining person.

I know I have.

It doesn’t make you bad. It doesn’t mean you are unlovable or unacceptable. Being ashamed of yourself isn’t the answer here.

The point is simply, to gently tell you that you may have accidentally gotten stuck on focusing on the wrong stuff.

WHOOPS.

But, there’s good news! You can totally change it. And it’s important that you do.

When we complain or focus on the negative in life, we actually increase feelings of sadness and melancholy.

That’s not something we really want, is it?

We do however want to be honest about how we feel and allow ourselves to be truthful in the moments when we need to let out some frustration or anger.

That is healthy.

What isn’t healthy is chronic, habitual, unconscious complaining.

Complaining that actually makes you feel worse, not better, when you do it.

Complaining that affects the people around you because they must find conjure positive resistance to your negative energy.

The truth is you aren’t negative, you have just got some negative patterns of thinking.

So how do we change that?

1. Understand your reasons for complaining

Looking at the reasons why we do what we do, can be the most uncomfortable thing in the world.

It’s also how we grow.

Why do you complain? Is it because your family does it? Growing up in a household where people constantly point out the negative is going to result in you doing it too. Do you complain to get attention? Perhaps when you were growing up you didn’t feel as important as your siblings so you learned to complain in order to get attention.

Whatever your reasons are, you need to become aware of them.

2. Mindfulness

Practising mindfulness amidst your complaining is the next step to changing the pattern you are stuck in.

Learn to become acutely aware of the things you complain about. For example is it work, the weather, getting stuck in traffic etc.

When you notice that you’re complaining pull yourself up and consciously STOP.

3. Start a gratitude practice

Starting a gratitude practice is the simplest way to help rewire your brain to focus on the positive in your life.

You don’t need a fancy journal or an expensive app to do it either. Simply note down 3 things a day you are grateful for, no matter how simple, and you will start to retrain your brain to focus on what’s good in your life.

Complaining is something that we all do from time to time, but if you do it too much it can really affect your life in a negative way.

Take back control and start focusing on the good stuff in your world. I promise there is plenty if you just take a moment to look!

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The Most Important Conversations You’ll Ever Have Are With Yourself

The way you talk to yourself, your inner conversation, determines how you feel on a consistent basis, so it largely determines the quality of your life. Be mindful of that inner conversation.

The Most Important Conversations You’ll Ever Have Are With Yourself – Watch FREE On Youtube:

From the book “The Art of Talking To Yourself” Get it now on Amazon.
Speaker: Vironika Tugaleva

Transcript – The Most Important Conversations You’ll Ever Have Are With Yourself (Inspiring Speech) – (Motivational Speech)

Whether or not you’ve been paying attention to it, you—like every other human being—move through each day leading on a cease- less inner conversation. You talk to yourself about what is happening and what it means. You relate today’s events to yesterday’s struggles and tomorrow’s possibilities.

You define your character and decide which roles you’ll play with others.

You judge some parts of your experience as favourable and others as unacceptable. You decide what to fix and what to leave alone. You give meaning to each dream, each longing, each discomfort. You formulate ideas about what happens inside other people’s heads.

Your inner conversation is more than the sum total of thoughts that roll around in your head from day to day. It is the relationship you have with yourself and how that relationship connects you to the rest of existence. It is the lens through which you perceive reality. Thus, it defines the world you think you live in—a place that might be radically different from the real world.

How you talk to yourself decides how you feel about yourself and others. 

It influences the choices you make about big and little things. It determines the actions you consider essential and the ones you consider dangerous, the desires you honour and the ones you repress, the plans you make for days to come and the lessons you learn from days gone.

 Your inner conversation decides the quality of each moment in your life; and beyond the quality of each moment, what else is there? What else matters?

Despite its value, many of us neglect our inner discourse. We seek the answers to our problems outside ourselves. We buy into the tempting idea that better life circumstances will bring us happiness. How could we not? After all, this message is plastered on our billboards, written into our movie scripts, and woven into our advertisements.

Hypnotized by modern-day consumerism, we miss the obvious gaps in such logic. We all know people who seem to have everything but appreciate nothing. And for every imaginable misfortune, we can find examples of people who have blossomed from it. One person loses an arm and falls into alcoholism, shame, and despair. Another person loses an arm and becomes a world-renowned Paralympian. This difference is not inherent within the people or the situation. It is a consequence of how each person translates the meaning of losing an arm. How they respond to life’s events comes down to what they tell themselves happened.

We seek fulfillment in money, accomplishment, approval, status. We seek it in other people. One particularly harmful idea carried by our cultural narrative is that you need to find someone who will love you. Imagine if we believed this about any other basic need: food, water, oxygen. If you needed another person to provide you with those, you’d be considered dependent—if not disabled. Yet we so willingly put ourselves in this state with love.

If someone else notices our qualities and talents, we think those parts of us must be worthwhile. Our potential floats like an island in the sea—uncharted, unexplored. We long for someone to discover us, admire us, colonize us. But why must it be another person? Why can’t you sail that voyage and explore yourself?

We tend to believe that once we get the right attitude, the right habits, the right belief systems, everything will be perfect. We place happiness into the hands of some future event, and we use ourselves to reach it. We think we’re looking within, but we’re still dabbling near the surface: objectifying ourselves and then becoming frustrated when those objects do not bend to our will.

Our ideas about what lies within us keep us from open-minded self-exploration. Our unmasked selves do not look as we think they should, so we try our best to keep them out of sight. We hide from others, and we hide from ourselves.

We neglect the gold mines of potential within us because we’re too busy trying to make ourselves perfect. We overlook our deepest possibilities while we search for joy in shallow waters. But no amount of money, accomplishment, or romance will bring you joy until you learn to talk to yourself about joy (or until you stop talking your-self out of it).

To journey into your inner conversation, you must go deeper than you have ever gone before. Any of us can notice negative self-talk patterns or note the stories we make up about other people, but changing these patterns is possible only for those who see the whole picture. The inner conversation is like a forest. You might read a book about gathering tree sap or avoiding poisonous snakes, and that might be helpful. But when you get out there, the wilderness will not contort itself to match your knowledge about it. It will be as it is. Therefore, you must do the contorting.

Here, we meet self-awareness. When I use this term, I am referring to the practice of trying to observe yourself as you are and not just how you imagine yourself to be. If you do not call this self-awareness, that is all right. If this is not how you define self-awareness, that is all right too. You are entitled to your definitions. I am not here to change them. I am here to communicate something to you. You can embrace my definitions without surrendering yours. Words, after all, have no inherent meaning.

Awareness is a process of seeking truth. The inner conversation is the place we’re going to explore. A truth seeker needs both: to know how to look and where to look.

Without self-awareness, you can only go so deep into your inner conversation. You can only hear so much. You can only change so much. A person who doesn’t understand flowers might tug on them to make them grow. A person who doesn’t speak the language of someplace might misread the locals’ sentiments and intentions. Yet you are already such a flower, and your inner locals—your emotions, your body, your thoughts—are already speaking to you. If you don’t learn the language of your experience, then how can you understand yourself? How can you help yourself?

Everything you need for your adventure is already within you. Look. Look within—not with an agenda but with curiosity. Look with love. Think of how you do this to others. When you love people, you are curious about who they are, what they think, and how they feel. You watch them closely, wondering about their experience and what you can do to make it more enjoyable. You feel compassion for their pain and seek to make it more bearable. You are eager to learn the unique language of their existence. You want to understand them, inspire them, heal them. What if you could look at yourself this way?

The curiosity with which you ponder the people you love assumes that they’re worth exploring. Do you presume the same about yourself? Do you know how many undiscovered riches there are in your experience? 

Throughout your life, you have embraced some things, and you have abandoned others. You have been assertive, and you have been calm. You have listened, and you have spoken. So you already know how to hold on, let go, speak up, shut up, light up, and calm down. You don’t need any- one to tell you what to do. You can figure that out for yourself—if only you can unleash your wild curiosity about the mysteries within you.

Only you can allow yourself to explore the person in the mirror. Only you can coax yourself into a daring adventure to find your untapped potential. After all, who can see inside the deepest recesses of your imagination and manifest those wishes into your daily experience?

Who can appreciate the subtle nuances of character you’ve acquired by overcoming your deepest fears? Who can acknowledge the demons that are no longer controlling you because of the work you’ve done to release them? Who can see the strength left behind in the wake of your toughest struggles? Who will see you for who you are—appreciating everything that is there, everything that is not, and everything that can be—if you do not? Who else can?

Your inner conversation is bursting with information. Learning to harness it will help you become an active participant in the creation of your life.

You don’t need to wait for someone else to notice your talents before nourishing them. You don’t need others to accept you to feel accepted. You don’t need to wait.

You can begin, at any moment, to work on noticing, nourishing, and accepting yourself. You can work on being a better friend to your reflection. You can start listening to yourself like you wish other people would. You can become curious about who you are. You can begin to learn the language of your mind and body so that you can decode it, understand it, speak it. You can work on understanding yourself instead of always trying to make yourself into someone else.

Self-understanding is a lifetime endeavour. It is not a week- end seminar. It does not come in capsule form. Every moment is ripe with opportunities to understand yourself better. Yet the moment is empty-handed. You are the source. The potential for awareness exists in every moment because it exists, first and foremost, inside you.

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“Blessed is he who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed.” – Alexander Pope

Most of us can say at one point or another that we have felt the weight of expectations in our life.

Expectations can come from family, friends or work. They can most definitely come from ourselves too.

Our personal expectations usually relate to what we believe will make us feel happy and fulfilled. We set them up in the hopes of having our needs met. We hold the vision internally for a particular outcome and we tell ourselves that our expectations are what will make it happen.

Expectations can be great! When we hold a high standard for ourselves in life we achieve more, have more purpose and can be more focused on achieving our goals.

But what happens if our expectations are out of balance? What are the challenges and dangers associated with having expectations?

The first danger with expectations is that they often go unchecked, perhaps for years or even a whole lifetime. This makes them deeply ingrained in our subconscious, so often they are operating without us being aware of them consciously at all.

The second danger with expectations is when we hold that expectation internally without communicating it, often because we are not aware of it, this often leads to the expectation not being fulfilled, which breeds anger, resentment and frustration.

“Expectations are premeditated resentments.”

When we hold an expectation about something, we believe that the outcome we desire will be met without the action required.

It’s sort of like wanting to eat pizza but just sitting on the couch and thinking about pizza. Even if you are planning to get pizza delivered, you still need to pick up your phone and order it! The pizza is not just going to show up because you expect it to.

The same goes for other people. People are not going to help you to get your needs met because you expect them to. The only way you can achieve the outcome of having your physical, mental and emotional needs met is to take action.

The action required is communication.

Rather than holding expectations, we need to learn to ask for what we want.

Communicating our needs calmy and clearly, with our outcome in mind but without attachment to it, is the best way for us to get what we need.

It seems so simple, doesn’t it? So why do most of us choose expectations over communication?

When we communicate our needs, we open ourselves up to be seen, which requires honesty, and vulnerability. It means allowing yourself to be honest about what you want, vulnerable enough to embrace it.

Communicating what you want without attachment means accepting that you may not have your needs met by the other person, because they may choose not to or because they simply can’t.

Although this is difficult, what you lose when you choose to do this is the sense of anxiety that comes with holding expectations. Expectations give us questions. When you communicate, you get your answers. For better or for worse.

While it may seem scary to start with, over time asking for what you want gets easier. With practice, you will improve, and you will ultimately get more of your needs met because nobody will be left to guess your expectations.

Have you asked yourself what it is you need today?

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The term self-discipline describes our ability to control our feelings in order to stay on track with our goals and in alignment with what we truly want, rather than what may just feel good in the moment.

For example, if you are trying to lose weight you need the self-discipline to get out of bed to go to the gym or to avoid eating unhealthy foods.

4 Steps To Self Discipline That Will Stay With You For Life

Our ability to master our self-discipline is one of the most powerful factors that can determine the direction of our life. It isn’t easy, but the rewards of gaining self-discipline are many.

“With self-discipline most anything is possible.” – Theodore Roosevelt

So how do we become more self-disciplined?

1. Know what you want.

In a world that is constantly filling us with needs and desires, it can be difficult to discern what it is we actually want in life. The first step to creating self-discipline is to get crystal clear on what that is. Do you want to find a relationship? Manage your time better? Perhaps learn a new skill? Whatever it is it is important that you know exactly what it is. 

2. Know your “why”.

Knowing WHY you want to do anything in life will help you to stay focused when the HOW to do it becomes challenging. We will often give up on our goals if we are not emotionally connected to them, so knowing the reason in your heart for why you are doing something will greatly increase your chances of persisting through the difficulties you may face in obtaining them.

3. Identify challenges and weaknesses.

Once you know what it is that you want, and why you want it, it is important to determine what challenges may present that can stop you from achieving it. Being self-aware and knowing what your weaknesses and triggers are is paramount. For example, if you want to quit sugar and you know that you tend to crave something sweet around 3 pm every day, plan ahead. Have something delicious and sugar-free ready for when that time of day strikes, so you are prepared.  

4. Remind yourself that you are capable.

We all have moments of weakness in our self-discipline. It’s normal and HUMAN to drop the ball sometimes. In the moments when you feel like you are weak, remind yourself of the times when you have succeeded in being disciplined. Give yourself evidence that you can achieve your goals.

Cultivating self-discipline isn’t easy but if we can stick to it, we gain so much! Over time as you continue to grow and maintain self-discipline your confidence and self-respect will grow, you will become more determined and ultimately you will achieve more of what you want.

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